1936 -
© Ricky logie 2008
“the auldearn crew"
U No Ur a Farmer when ...
Getting up at 7am is a lie-
You've run over your own cat in a tractor
When someone
says they live on an estate you think of fields and woods rather than a barratts
development
You tut at people in tesco buying danish bacon and french bread
You don't
sit down to a single hot meal in august
You fall asleep with-
Your sun tan ends just above the elbow in the summer
You've
had a live lamb in your aga
You get more letters from DEFRA than you do from friends
and family
You only take the kids to the seaside when it rains
You can't drive along
a road anywhere in britain without studying everyone else's crop's and livestock
There
is small heaps of grain outside the back door of the house every summer
Drilling does
not mean putting holes through interior walls
Dress sense means cutting down on nitrogen
applications
Your 4x4 acctually goes off road
You get frustrated by people calling
straw "hay"
Your ideal holiday is to visit other peoples farms
Your hands look like
they are made with the same material as your boots
Your bag on your hoover is full
of grain from july to september
The faint (but agreeable) smell of disel never leaves
you
You most valued possession is your pen knife
A lamb follows the children into the
kitchen and no one thinks its unusal
You confidently walk arround the supermarket
in wellies
Your lawn include hundreds of cattle hoof prints
You open a bale and discover
an old mobile phone (or wallet)
Your alarm clock is set to farming today, even though
you hate it now
You've got the RPA's number on speed dail in your phone
When you listen
to radio 4's the archers and think how hoppy all the characters are
A good holiday
is a week in the west coast in november
Track and field has nothing to do with athletics
You
drive your new telehandler repeatedly past your neighbour's yard until someone appears
You
feel naked without baler twine in your pocket
By Sean